Judgement of the Judoon written by Colin Brake

Plot: The Doctor, a young investigator and Judoon Commander become embroiled in the machinations at New Jupiter…

Mockney Dude: I’m not going to lie to you…you’re not going to get the most dense characterisation of the Doctor in a Colin Brake novel. You’re just not. Saying that he manages to write a fair intimation of the character as seen on TV with lots of quirks and ticks that match David Tennant’s portrayal. Apparently his eccentricity accentuates his natural goods (I wouldn’t argue with the last bit). It must be an NSA if the Doctor gets saddled with teenage sidekick but lets be honest he’s a big kid himself so he works on their level! He deals in crisis management without the management. He loves a good mystery and he loves four even more. A Judoon companion? Who would have thought that could ever have been as effective as it is here? I think it’s a great idea and I’m willing to bet that a lot less people would be willing to point the finger at the Doctor on his travels if he was backed up by a grunting, leather clad rhinoceros! I love the way he provides such violent distractions while the Doctor gets up to no good in the background. The Doctor is easy to like a fits in anywhere. There’s something secretive, lonely and grief stricken and lonely about him for all he tries to cover it with smiles and smart alec comments. The Doctor finds it easy to tar all of one species with the same brush despite the fact that he is always meeting the exception to the rule. Trustworthy and full of honour. He can convince you that you have had a conversation and come to a decision when he has done all of the talking! Beneath his energy and relentless enthusiasm there is a sadness and bitterness. With a book as predictable as this it is a relief that at least the Doctor is privy to each twist and turn because I couldn’t bear it if he was this stupid. The Doctor had found good company on New Jupiter and the TARDIS feels so empty without a companion. He has had the feeling for some time that change was coming, something lurking in his near future. Something big, terrible and inevitable…

Great Ideas: The Judoon are thorough but far from gentle and their sledgehammer tactics are a cause for much drama (leaving hull breach in a ship after cutting into it for access) and humour (the Commander crashing through a door rather than walking through it!). They always get their man but its usually at a pretty high price. 2487 and the human race is established amongst the stars, colonies scattered about and hyperspace making travel over incredibly long distances commonplace and swift. The King of Elvis spaceport is right next to hyperspace nexus point on an otherwise uninviting world and has grown from an automated fuel dump to sprawling city state with a permanent population. It’s a place of contrasts; of wealth and glamour, grime and crime. This is a fantastic (and authentic) Doctor Who setting with visits to casinos, grimy Downtown cityscapes and mafia style organisations. It makes you ponder wistfully. what this could have been if it hadn’t been quite so castrated by the author and the tone of the series. It’s a spaceport of humans, aliens, robots and androids and if you squint hard enough you can see Roger Langridge going to town with his depiction of it! I loved the Courier exploding because I genuinely did not think the book would ever go that far! Nikki might not be the most sophisticated character in town (and her character spec is a barely concealed reworking of Veronica Mars and Buffy the Vampire Slayer mixing private investigations with her father with martial arts) but she proves to be resourceful and quite engaging by the novels close especially in her dealings with the hilarious Judoon Commander. Thank goodness she appeared in a Colin Brake novel because I could only imagine how she would have fared in the hands of Terrance Dicks (casual rape, probably), Mick Lewis (eaten) or Lawrence Miles (deconstructed and turn out to be the Time Lord weapon that was needed to break the deadlock seal on the Time War). Is this the first time the TARDIS has been described as lost luggage? The Invisible Assassin is a virus coded to kill the Widow – I never saw that one coming! 100 bombs are due to go off at Terminal 13 which might sound like an act of desperation to inject some tension on the authors part but it really works, especially after one goes off and kills three Judoon and then another goes off almost immediately afterwards. It feels (for the first time in the book) that anything could happen. After everything being so obvious for so long there are a number of great moments when all the secrets are out in the open. I really thought there was going to be a touching reconciliation between Uncle and Hope (its that sort of book) but instead he dies in the most ironic of fashions (killed by the virus that he unknowingly sent after his daughter) and slips away with the Doctor pointing out the error of his ways and thinking his daughter must have hated him. Redemption simply isn’t an option. For once the Doctor’s ‘I’m so sorry’ feels heartfelt and not just a catchphrase. Salter’s involvement is well hidden beneath the more obvious twists and he makes a number of salient points about how it is ‘always about money’ and that if the Doctor is above such things then ‘the rest of us live in the real world.’ It might be another insurance scam but it does have some bite. Hope also dies off-screen (so to speak) and unmourned.

Embarrassing Bits: The tone of this novel is more akin to the adventures of the Famous Five than Doctor Who at times especially when we open with the case of the Invisible Assassin on the Spaceship Tintin! New Memphis sounds quirky but I’m starting to wonder if there’s a New Everything in the future. There is a massively unsubtle parody of the Heathrow Terminal Five crisis but at least it is part of the plot and not just a tasteless gag. Brake has this annoying habit of introducing characters and settings and describing absolutely everything about them in the first couple of paragraphs before they speak/anything happens. We literally learn nothing more about them than what is fed to us in that primary description. I understand that I am not the target audience for these books but there is such a thing as talking down to children and there are plenty of extremely engaging kids books out there that don’t patronise them in this fashion (there are plenty of NSAs that don’t do it too as exemplified by most of the novels since this was published). The Jupiter Investigation Agency reminded me strongly of The 3 Investigators novels I used to read as a little boy. If anybody hadn’t figured out that Hope was the Widow and Nikki’s father was Moret then I would seriously question whether you should be reading novels at all. I’ve never known Crime Lords that are so easy to make an appointment with! Don’t they have underhanded Empires to run? There’s plenty of references to deadlock seals, kronkburgers and psychic paper just in case we didn’t know what era we are in! Frustratingly Brake has his characters contradict themselves from paragraph to paragraph – its especially evident when Uncle wishes he could have the same working relationship with his daughter that Nikki has with her father than then exclaims that he wants her to have nothing to do with his sordid business.

Funny Bits:

• ‘At least something works around here…’ – black humour as the Courier spontaneously combusts and the sprinkler system manages to cool things down!
• One character ponders how the Doctor could talk so fast and for so long and say nothing!
• ‘Service is swift. Thank you’ says the Judoon Commander to a taxi driver after his horns have torn through his roof!
• In a laugh out loud moment the Commander cracks open a wall with his massive horn to rescue Nikki! He’s a really useful guy to have around!
• ‘Why is everything deadlock sealed these days?’ Good point!
• I chuckle at the observation that the bombs might have made less damage than the Judoon seeking them out.
• It’s a pat ending for sure but I was laughing my head off at the thought of the Commander joining the Jupiter Detective Agency! Can you imagine that beast going undercover?

Result: I just don’t know how to sum up my reaction to Judgement of the Judoon which has many fine elements but is constantly held back by the childish writing voice of the author that makes any attempts drama fall flat. If you thought that Terrance Dicks spelt things out (but he does it in all the best ways) then you haven’t seen anything! I don’t care if the target audience is an intelligent 12 year old…any kid worth their salt is not going to be stumped by this imminently guessable plot with every twist signposted. You get the feeling that there is a much darker, sleazier novel to be told in this genuinely great location. Instead what we get is something more akin to a PG13 James Bond crossed with Enid Blyton with a sprinkling of Scooby Doo (it was Uncles daughter all along!)! Saying all that Colin Brake has one very special weapon that he deploys to his full advantage. The Judoon Commander is a fabulous character and lifts the book every time he appears with his honking laughter and sledgehammer approach to everything. I wanted him to skip in the TARDIS at the end with the Doctor. After 200 odd pages of light prose and retarded plotting the book pulls off a coup in the conclusion with a handful of dark and exciting moments. I feel as if I should be harder on this novel but it does try and aim high even though it is restricted by the writing voice and the tone of the book range. Brake’s books are improving successively but that doesn’t mean this is anything to shout home about: 6/10

The Gallifrey Chronicles by Lance Parkin

Plot: The Doctor’s home planet of Gallifrey has been destroyed. The Time Lords are dead, their TARDISes annihilated. And the Doctor is about to find out why….

Top Doc: There is so many vital eighth Doctor scenes that if I was to compile a list of his best moments it would consist of much of this book. What you need to do is forget the blurb which promises and epic confrontation between the Doctor and the Time Lords and instead appreciate that this is all done on a remarkably small scale, the focus here on characterisation and stunning dialogue. The Gallifrey Chronicles is basically an exploration of the eighth Doctor, what he once was, what he has done and what he is going to do in the future.

The Doctor isn’t human and he lives in the now. He is an adventurer, a bookworm, a champion, a detective, an explorer, a father and grandfather, a historian, a iconoclast, a jackanapes, a know-it-all, a lord, a meddler, a nuisance, he was old, a physician and a quack, a renegade, a scientist, a traveller, a utopian, a violinist, a widower, a xoanon; he was youthful and a zealot. His history is one of temporal orbits, paradoxes, parallel timelines, re-iterations and divergences. And he has three ninth incarnations! He and Trix are both hiding something from their pasts. He didn’t cry for Miranda when she died, rather he remembered their time together and revelled in the fact he was now a Grandfather. He is accused of being a coward for not facing up to the terrible things in his past, Marnal sounding brilliantly like a few GB posters I know! It is wonderful to compare Marnal and the Doctor as the Doctor went out into the universe to discover himself and make a difference and Marnal stagnated in his dusty old house, writing his books and waiting for the answers to come to him. The Doctor has plenty of new memories now. He has felt unease when trying to remember back to before his amnesia. I love how he refuses to feel guilty even after he witnesses the fall of Gallifrey and his part in it, seeing for a fact that he has stopped the Faction menace spreading into the universe. The scene between the Doctor and Rachel is vital, where she admits that most humans live in misery and despair and the Doctor fights her argument at every turn, offering magic and wonder, excitement and imagination. Only the Doctor could break a promise before he has made it. He had always assumed that he was being protected from nasty old memories but it suddenly occurs to him that maybe the memories are being protected from nasty old him. Reading about Gallifrey, the Doctor nearly falls asleep…repetition, routine and ritual, he concludes it was no place to live your life. We finally discover why the Doctor has amnesia; he deleted his memories so he could store the entire contents of the Matrix in his mind. The reason he has been unwilling to explore his past is because revealing these memories will wipe them out and he has been left with an inbuilt aversion to probing to deeply. He sacrificed his identity in order to save the identity of his people, killing himself so their seed can survive and one-day flourish. This is so in tune with the eighth Doctor’s willingness to sacrifice himself for the greater good and in one fail swoop turns the amnesiac Doctor from the ultimate coward to the ultimate hero and makes his amnesia not only satisfying but also necessary. Brilliant. On his first day on the job he brought the dead back to life and he does the same here with Fitz who sums him up beautifully: “You’re going to bring millions of people back from the dead. God, you’re cool.” One day he knows he will fall but that wont stop him fighting the monsters and the final shot of him leaping into the Vore nest, Fitz and Trix at his side, is the perfect way to end his fictional adventures.

Scruffy Git: This book is as much about Fitz as it is the Doctor, considering this is his 51st book! For such an unpromising character (a sleazy, cigarette chugging space bum) Fitz has developed in leaps and bounds and easily become my favourite novel companion. Like Jaime is perfectly suited to the 2nd Doctor, Fitz is ideally paired with the 8th and I am really going to miss reading their adventures together. Fitz was an incredibly flawed character; not too bright, not that charming and yet he had a heart of gold and was faithful and funny. He made some really terrible books bearable. And he made some really great books practically flawless.

When Trix’s life was in danger Fitz realised how much she means to him and how much he would miss her. To this end, once the regime has been toppled they head back to the TARDIS, drink a bottle of wine and make love. After fourteen failed romances this is Fitz’s successful romance number one! This confirms his earlier doubts about his life with the Doctor, realising he has finally grown out of him and that it is silly to keep following him around. He wants to settle down with Trix. In a scene that should have fans cheering he finally snaps at the Doctor when confronted with Sam Jones’ grave and doesn’t remember who she is. He accuses him of having two hearts and no balls, not willing to find out why he lost his memories. He is ashamed of the fact that he always stays the same although Anji says that is part of his charm. He is scared that he cannot adjust to a normal life. He feels as if everything is changing really fast but for the better. He thinks Trix is a beautiful person. After singing to a couple of dozen honest people in a pub and leaving with his beautiful girlfriend, Fitz doesn’t think he has ever been happier. He likes to think of his travels as adventures but so many people have died and he has known the Doctor longer than the Doctor has known himself. When they are attacked by the Vore Fitz proves himself selfless to the last, offering himself as bait so the woman he loves can escape. He asks her to tell him her name before he is slaughtered and he tells her he loves her. When Trix admits why she loved Fitz it reminds you of everything that was great about the guy…he was honest, what you see was what you got, she trusted him with her life so often it seemed like a natural thing, he didn’t play games, have hidden agendas or emotional baggage even after everything he had been through. When they are reunited he admits to the Doctor that he and Trix are moving forwards together and yet they both remain by his side, where they belong, whilst he fights of the latest threat.

Identity Tricks: How far has Trix come in 11 books? She has had much more development than Compassion did in the same amount of page space. She started out as a one-dimensional bag of tricks (hahaha) but has matured into life in the TARDIS, respecting the Doctor, falling for Fitz and getting wrapped up in the adventurous spirit. All this without ever filling us in on much detail of her past…

Admittedly Trix hasn’t carried a torch for Fitz long and only realises she wants to sleep with him when they uncork the wine. She admits to Fitz several times that she is hiding something nasty in her past but he is oblivious to this, so wrapped up in her. She was planning to stick around for a year or two and move her ‘career’ on. Trix and Anji cooked up a scheme between each other; she would send Anji information from the future and Anji would make investments based on that data. As a result Trix is now worth £150,000,000. She is described as a good catch and a beautiful person. Trix realises with sudden clarity that her relationship with Fitz is going to work. They know each other well, trusted each other with their lives, liked and respected each other and could talk to each other about everything and anything. We discover Trix murdered her father, her big secret she was hiding from and is on the run from the police, hence the disguises and the playacting to avoid her past. She weeps for the loss of Fitz when the whole world is falling to pieces around her. Her feelings for him snuck up on her but she really did love him. She occasionally forgets that things belong to other people. She begs the Doctor to bring him back for her and he obliges and proves at the climax that she has total faith in him, willing to leap into a nest of homicidal insects and help him save the day.

Foreboding: I could be talking complete nonsense but the Doctor’s willingness to try and re-build Gallifrey (probably via Remote technology if he can find it again!) could explain his presence on Gallifrey in The Infinity Doctors. It is obviously (to me) the eighth Doctor in that book and how he feels so content and at home on Gallifrey there would explain a hell of a lot. Ah well, its just a theory.

Twists: The first scene features Marnal regenerating and suddenly remembers the name of his home planet…Gallifrey! Marnal suffered amnesia and wrote down all his memories in a series of novels entitled The Gallifrey Chronicles. It is great for readers attracted to the books via the TV series to discover the fate of Gallifrey with Marnal. The flashback adventure with Miranda is positively charming and intelligently and wittily exploits the horror of mobile phones as an enemy a millions times better than the atrocious Stephen King novel Cell (and with far less pages). The Daleks are back, attempting to assassinate the Pope on his first visit to Mars! Sam is officially dead and if she hadn’t met the Doctor she would have lived to a ripe old age although the Doctor consoles himself with the knowledge that in periods of the future she would be alive again. Anji is now engaged and due to be married to Greg next year, she is now on the board of a multi national conglomerate bank and the fifth richest person in the country! We get to re-experience the destruction of Gallifrey and hilariously it is more atmospheric and dramatic written here than it was in The Ancestor Cell! The Doctor never was Grandfather Paradox, it just reflects back to emaciated form of whomever it is battling. The Doctor returns to the garden with the cunning man (the 7th Doctor) guarding the gate and is given a fabulous clue about the Matrix being in his head (there are 153,841 blossoms behind the gate minus 5). To the save population of London, the Doctor tosses a nuclear bomb in the TARDIS which rips through the ship and strips away everything until it is just a burnt out spaceship. The TARDIS can repair her structure but the contents are irreplaceable. The energy from the explosion is funnelled into the Eye of Harmony, which opens pinpricks and allows the Master (trapped there since the TV Movie!) to talk to the Doctor (he is the ghost in the machine, imprisoned with infinite power, condemned to godhood with no chance of parole). The Vore are attracted to Earth because of the pricks in the Eye of Harmony and their attack is genuinely apocalyptic, worldwide panic and a terrifying death count (shooting into a swarm is like shooting into a storm, no matter how many you kill there is always more). The set piece of Fitz and Trix clinging for dear life as the Vore attempt to bring their plane down is excellent, especially the end where Trix runs from the exploding engines that tear through the Vore. The Black Eye Sun is finally explained, it promises rule of the spaces between time to the five lost ghosts (remaining Time Lords). Brilliantly, K.9 is discovered hiding behind the back wall of the TARDIS (he was the one scratching in Trading Futures!) with orders from Romana to kill the Doctor! The Vore want to turn the human race into vomit, line their walls with it and plant their food spores (ugh). The Doctor’s stolen TARDIS was originally Marnal’s, it was with this that he originally attacked the Vore. Save the best twist for last, the Doctor’s revelation that he has saved the entire contents of the Matrix in his head, thus saving his people whilst wiping out the scourge that threatened to infect them.

Embarrassing bits: It looks like Trix killed her father and its a shame that there is so much going on that we never get to explore this further. The Doctor’s line about a PC borrowing his PC and being very PC is crap. Fitz turning on the Doctor is very sudden considering how loyal he usually is (but frankly it needed to be said) and wasn’t Fitz himself who prevented the Doctor getting his memories back in Halflife???

Funny bits: There are lots of wonderful digs at the book series that made me chuckle heartily, its nice to see now the range is over they can take the piss out of their failings. Apparently a postmodern hero is on a journey of self-examination and self validation (just like the Doctor!). Every word of every novel is real, even if they contradict each other (cool that explains the dual explanation for why the Doctor’s heart turned black!). Marnal’s books had become an impenetrable jungle, alienating even the most loyal fans (just like the EDAs!). Whatever the books literary merits the covers were always a problem (hahahahaha). The trouble for the writer of a series books set on Gallifrey is that nothing much happened there (hehehehe). Parkin describes ideas from his old books as unreadable, senseless, risible tat! The Doctor criticises continuity, exclaiming who cares if Ace or Mel visited Paradise Towers? Why do we need it? The Doctor’s eyes slipped off the page before he got to the end of the first paragraph about Gallifrey, its that boring.  The scene at the Roman Orgy is hilarious, especially Trix’s attempts to pull the disguise of a perfectly normal person and then the Mule suddenly revealing himself as the disguised alien!

Result: Forget that blurb which seems to suggest an all out war between the Doctor and the remaining Time Lords and settle down to one of the best examinations of the Doctor in print. For a range that focuses too much on spectacle over examination and consequences it is fantastic to finally see so much pay off for outstanding plotlines and relationships. Fitz and Trix make a surprisingly believable couple and the fact that their relationship survives attempted arrests, diving planes and even death is wonderful. The Vore attack is really just a healthy reminder of what the Doctor is about, the real meat here is his examination of the past, finally discovering that he destroyed his planet. This revelation shifts the book amazingly when you realise what that Doctor managed to save from the destruction, shifting his character arc and the entire range from something that refuses to admit the truth and cowardly avoids the past into a justification of this satisfyingly necessary period of the Doctor’s life. He is the hero we always knew he was. The prose is simple but powerful and there are scores of gorgeous character scenes that you would expect from Parkin. Appropriately the Doctor’s past (Sam, Miranda, Anji) is recognised and his future is left wide open with possibilities (that gorgeous open ending that promises so much more…) and as a celebration of everything that this series did well it is about as perfect an ending as we could expect. A powerhouse novel, probably not the climatic ending you were expecting and yet all the better for it: 9/10

To The Slaughter by Stephen Cole

Plot: Shock horror! Celebrity decoriste Aristotle Halcyon is planning a spring clean of the solar system, demolishing scores of Jupiter’s moons in order to bring them down to an even twelve. But with eco terrorists plotting devious schemes, secret weapons being developed and millions of innocents set to the slaughter it isn’t going to be as simple as he feared…

Top Doc: What a forgettable fellow! Coming from Stephen Cole, the guy who knows how bland the eighth Doctor can be (hell he guided him through three years of total blandness!) and has delivered two excellent previous interpretations (Vanishing Point’s Doctor was merciless and Timeless’ was shockingly violent and funny). All out the window. This is the generic Doctor through and through, he reacts to the plot appropriately, tells a few gags, defeats the baddies…but there is little here to distinguish him from any of the others. It doesn’t help coming after The Deadstone Memorial which featured some definitive eighth Doctor characterisation. With some people it is football fixtures, with the Doctor it is moons. He is gallant, always trying to protect Trix (much to her chargin!). The first chapter sees him using an executive in a chair as a weapon! He cannot resist a mystery, although they are supposed to be getting the TARDIS back he gets embroiled into investigations into Falsh’s secret project. In an almost homoerotic moment the Doctor is reunited with Fitz and intimately kisses him on the hand. Brilliantly, it is the Doctor who sets of the charges for the demolition of the moons, causing a wave of devastation that snaps all the blood-crazed zombies out of their homicidal stupor.

Scruffy Git: Fitz too seems to be less than the sum of his parts, more an amalgamation of his most well known traits than an honest portrayal of everyone’s favourite space bum. We do discover he has a special link to the TARDIS since he was reconfigured in Interference, when he was remembered some bits were made up and some bits were improved. He falls for another bird, this time it is the astonishingly bland Sook, the innocent victim of society and perfect sob story material to drag old Kreiner down. What’s that…failed romance number fourteen? Sheesh give it a rest man! He is described as culturally illiterate and ignorant of everything. A mystery charmer? His relationship with Trix is interesting, as he admits he would never leave the TARDIS without her. Its nice to see his experiences with the Doctor helping him out and he uses designs from Parallel 59, The Fall of Yquatine and Sometime Never… to aid in his pretense as an art student!

Identity Tricks: Trix is given the best material here simply because we don’t know her all that well so seeing her lurch from one crisis to another is a joy. She has a famously low borderm threshold, petite and becoming. Even adrift in space, Trix has standards. She is described as being hard, devious, and manipulative and always trying it on…but at least you know where you are with her. Sweetly when she is reunited with Fitz she throws her arms around him and tells him she can rely on him whilst stepping on Falsh! She suggests that Fitz couldn’t live without her. She gets all the best lines, getting all bitchy with Tinya, pointing out the absurdities in the plot (“It’s a Trojan Slug!”) and actually has great chemistry with the Doctor. Astonishingly enough all her flitting around the universe she only felt she was in outer space when confronted with stunning vista of the Milky Way.

Foreboding: The intimacy between Fitz and Trix is about to blossom…

Twists: The opening thirty pages read like a Benny Hill sketch on acid (you can even hear the comic music!). It’s a load of running about, people being knocked unconscious with soup ladles, people hiding under desks misleading those in the meeting to think they are being felt up and Trix flirting outrageously with people to escape (to the pointing of offering herself as an all you can eat buffet!). There are loads of atmospheric descriptions of planetscapes which genuinely take your breath away (The glowing eyes of planets and moons stared in from the golden glass). Falsh’s attempts to destroy his weapons facility goes horribly wrong when the facility launches in space…the Doctor and Trix discover it and the piles of sickening corpses. The eco terrorists strike on the eve of the grand demolition…by suggesting a new life form exists on one of the moons…a space slug! Halcyonite, as the Doctor discovers, leaves you in a hypnotic state and open to suggestion. Fitz’s latest squeeze steals the TARDIS key and plans to duplicate and market the time machine…as the Endless Cupboard! Torvin turns out to be the evil scientist…Klimt! The revelation that Sook turned her parents over is quite a shock as is the fact that she is being manipulated because this information by Gaws and Mildred. I loved the stampede…the crowd of slavering, homicidal animals storming towards our heroes and ripping through the crowd! The slugs turn out to be the ultimate weapon…indestructible and inducing violence in all. Fitz’s murderous personality once under the influence of the slug is really nasty and has various bloody fights. It would appear we have a Kroton and a Sontaran at the alien auction but it is never specified. The last scene of the Doctor, Trix and Fitz hugging on the TARDIS, is lovely.

Embarrassing bits: Where do I start? Psychedelic paint that hypnotises people. Indestructible space slugs that turn people into homicidal maniacs. The blatant drug using. The fact that Fitz just happens to stumble across the rebels. The chiggocks! None of these ideas is especially embarrassing as such…just totally and utterly odd. Its like Cole doesn’t want you to like the book. This is a book that wants you to enjoy its fluffy atmosphere of escape/capture/flirt/threaten/steal and then accept a vicious bloody massacre with a hideous death count. The jokes are fine but match with the violence and things get…uncomfortable.

Funny bits: Pick a page. The books best asset is its humorous tone. The future’s bright. The future’s class C. The mental Chiggock attacking Trix. Fitz being killed by a glowing wall! The Doctor and Trix stepping in front of each other as neither of them wants to appear a coward in the face of the fish faced monster.

Result: Gah! Get rid of that editor! Whilst To The Slaughter is okay, it should NOT be the penultimate eighth Doctor adventure! Its about nothing in particular, contains nothing that indicates the series is winding down and subsequently becomes one of the most forgettable, inconsequential books in the entire range. It uncomfortably tries to mix violence and humour (which can work if the writer is clever enough) with a cast of nobodies (the background of most of the guest cast is all cliché). The regulars aren’t terrible especially Trix who is great fun in her scenes and their growing intimacy is lovely to witness. What saves the book is Cole’s bubbly prose which is effortlessly readable and fun and his eye for catchy dialogue. All in all though, after such a good run of books this is the only below average EDA since The Domino Effect and with its whacky ideas and pointlessness it belongs way back in Cole’s editorship. Oh the irony!: 4/10

The Deadstone Memorial by Trevor Baxendale

Plot: Cal McKeown is suffering from terrible nightmares. He wakes in the heart of the night, blood seeping from his eyes, screaming obscenities and flinging himself bodily into the furniture. His mother is at her wits end until a stranger rushes into her life. A man with a Gladstone bag full of sweets and comics, a man with a million and one crazy ideas, a man who calls himself the Doctor…

Top Doc: Practically perfect. You ask any man on the street who writes best for the eighth Doctor and they would probably point out Lance Parkin or Lloyd Rose. For me it is Trevor Baxendale, a hugely underrated writer who has the characterisation of the eighth Doctor down to a fine art. The Deadstone Memorial reminds me precisely why I love the Doctor but more importantly it reminds me why I love the eighth Doctor.

I love how he shamelessly parades his theories to Hazel, offering up comics and sweets instead of medicine and rants about other planets much to her dismay. He is soft but has a self-confident look that says he can be tough when he needs to be. He is extremely attractive and charismatic here and exudes something magical. Its lovely to see him in such a domestic setting, especially when Hazel comes home to find him preparing the dinner…he is like what has been missing in their lives. He has a way of making you do things you wouldn’t usually contemplate. Fitz asks him why they are bothering with something as small scale as the McKeown’s to which he answers, “It’s a big universe out there, but the important thing in any universe is the people. They’ve got a problem and we can help, what other reason do we need?” There is a glorious scene where the excitable, childlike Doctor drags the stoic Hazel out onto the roof to wave at the stars, he is unpredictable and thrilling leading to Hazel commenting, “You’re the most amazing man I’ve ever met.” He loves the Earth and doesn’t know who or what he would be without it. He has been feeling of later as though there is something inside him that wants to be free. He is hard to dislike although there is something slightly scary about him, like there is something awful to follow. He’s a scientist, an inventor, an explorer, a swordsman and he plays the violin. He makes a psychic barrier out of a CD Walkman and a colander! Hilariously, as they are chasing the ghost the Doctor asks a passer-by if he’s seen it saying, “It has teeth like this, you couldn’t miss him!” and demonstrates with his fingers! It is lovely how he is deeply concerned for not only the people in this story but the animals too, devastated when he thinks Milton the Mutt might be skinned alive by the rats and then heartbroken when the rats start dying! He is the presence that gives you hope your entire life, he always makes things better. The TARDIS feels bereft without him. It is glorious to see his magical affect on the McKeown family, gaining their trust, defeating their monsters and opening their eyes to the wonder of the universe.

Scruffy Git: Fitz is scared of being on the Earth because when the time comes he might find he wants to stay. In a scene that demonstrates how much they are made for each other the Doctor and Fitz shout out their favourite ‘Earthy’ things including black pudding, snow on a Christmas morning and beautiful women. He likes to pretend he is a wuss but displays many brave acts here. He loves the TARDIS, it has been his home for as long as he can remember and he cannot forsee a time when he isn’t with the Doctor. His previous life is like a distant country, one which he has no intention of returning to. The climax of the book, where the Doctor is apparently missing forever has a very profound effect on Fitz, he doesn’t know what to do and wanders the TARDIS like a lost soul. His love for the Doctor beams out of every page in this book.

Identity Tricks: Even Trix is getting into the family spirit, finally loosening up, growing closer to her two friends and getting into the domestic spirit of the story. She even feels hurt when the Doctor accuses her of still only helping out for a profit, after everything she has done for him. She feels she knows the TARDIS pretty well but lately there is a feeling of apprehension in the air, like the future is holding its breath. In a very revealing moment she phones her mother to see how she is, letting her guard down totally. Later she phones Anji and arranges to send her a copy of next years Financial Times, apparently out of concern for her and Chloe. Described as tough as old leathery boots. Fitz thinks she just travels with them for a sight seeing tour of the universe and she is preparing to move her stuff out of the TARDIS at the climax when it looks as though the Doctor is not coming back. In a moment that surprises both Fitz and herself, she nervously offers to let him move in with her.

Foreboding: Fitz wonders why he always jumps at the Doctor’s commands. He and Trix are getting much closer lately. We get another glimpse of the ninth Doctor, this time as a ghost in the TARDIS console room. Trix sending Anji next year’s paper is part of lovely scheme, revealed in The Gallifrey Chronicles.

Twists: The opening scenes portray nighttime as a truly foreboding presence. Cal’s attacks are haunting, flinging himself around the room; eyes drained of colour, screaming out for help and choking himself to death, his tongue protruding obscenely. The Doctor and Fitz standing on the writhing, pulsing mud by the Deadstone memorial as the insects try and escape is horrible. The Doctor, Fitz and Trix investigating Crawley’s filthy cellar is great fun, the three really working together well as a team. The Doctor’s nightmare, blood flowing down his face as his skull splits open like an egg and a blood-slicked rat emerges, is brilliantly nasty. When Fitz breaks his wrist the Doctor does a fabulous hypnosis trick to stall the pain but in a lovely moment it catches up with him and he screams out. Hazel and Cal stepping into the TARDIS manages to recapture that awe inspiring wonder of the craft, especially Cal’s childlike delight at such a craft. The tree creature is sickeningly vile, eyes like wet grey toadstools, a gaping mouth in the soil revealing sharp teeth and gnarled, mud streaked tongue. Things get remarkably bloody towards the end…Crawley gets shot at point blank range, Harris is mauled by Milton, Cal screamed and thrashed and blood welled from his eyes until they looked like blackcurrants swimming in their own crimson juice. The action moves underground where Hazel finally gets to confront the creature that has been tormenting her children, like an after birth, spawned from the Earth itself. Eek rats! The Doctor and Fitz are attacked by a seething torrent of frightened, filthy, angry rats! When the alien crash-landed it split into two beings as a result of the trauma. The psychic energy ended up buried in the mud and the other half was stuck between dimensions. The creature was attacked and buried by Deadstone and it clutched at anything, soil, insects, tree roots and merged with them and took on a strange uniqueness of its own, driven insane. Deadstone fed it animals and children to keep it alive. Hazel slices its head open to reveal a nest of grey worms boiling inside. In the brilliant climax the beast tears free of its underground prison and Deadstone ages to death before them. The image of the Doctor, Fitz and Trix running off to the TARDIS laughing, heads full of dreams, is lovely. But nothing could be more beautiful than the last line as Hazel takes her children out into the evening air and waves up at the stars knowing that somewhere up there he will be waving back.

Embarrassing bits: Despite the excellent drama caused by the Doctor’s disappearance, his sudden re-appearance is skipped over a little too easily. For somebody who has made the ultimate sacrifice and will never be coming back from the other dimension he just sort of…appears.

Funny bits: The Doctor has been playing a game of chess against himself (“I think I’ve nearly beaten myself but I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve that I haven’t spotted yet!”). His name-dropping the planet Kufan is hilarious (“You HAVE heard of it!” he cries at a dismaying Hazel!).

Result: Excellent, easily the best thing the ever improving Trevor Baxendale has written. It is a truly visceral horror story with some brilliantly disgusting moments; blood, mud, bones, rats and worms used to sickening effect. I love the fact that we never find out where the story is set and the gloriously mundane domesticity of the tale makes the supernatural aspect all the more frightening. As a character tale it works because the McKeown’s are so instantly recognisable, as a monster tale it is perfect because Crawley is loathsome and the soil creature is memorably vomit inducing and as a reminder of how magical the Doctor is it is practically unbeatable. This isn’t great literature but it is a fantastic story and written with relish, impossible to put down and delightful from start to finish. Rather than limping home the eighth Doctor is going out is fantastic style: 9/10

Prisoner of the Daleks written by Trevor Baxendale

Plot: When the TARDIS jumps a time track lands back in the height of the Dalek Empire, the Doctor has to use all of his wits to prevent his greatest enemies from using time travel to turn the tide of Dalek history and irrevocably change the events of the Time War…

Mockney Wanderer: A huge glob of spit in the eye for all those people that dismiss the NSAs as having poor or no characterisation of the Doctor. Not only does Trevor Baxendale perfectly capture David Tennant’s wide-eyed Mockney Doctor but he also manages to scare us with the Doctor’s uncontrollable terror of the Daleks. There are some beautiful observations about the relationship between the Doctor and Daleks and the humans behave in equally obscene ways to the point where the Doctor begins to feel sympathy for one of the tortured creatures. It’s a remarkably intense portrayal of the Doctor and one of his best in print. Exceptionally good.

At the beginning of the book the Doctor and the TARDIS are having something of a domestic and she refuses to take him anywhere interesting anymore. I loved the observation that the Doctor has gotten on the wrong side of enough spiders in his time to keep well clear. It is noted that he wears a very tight fitting suit (ummm). His escape method is to tap out a morse code with a teaspoon! When he sees something of Martha and Donna in Stella the Doctor feels a longing for her to go with him. He never truly understands what happens to people when they die. He has too many bad memories, too many nightmares about the Daleks to feel anything but revulsion for them. He understands the creatures implacably, ‘They want to drag you into a long drawn out war because that’s what they like. Destruction, killing, slaughter, extermination. It’s what they do.’ The Doctor gets angry when he sees the remains of Auros; he finds it a stupid waste to destroy the planet since a self-inflicted wound of this intensity saves the Daleks from bothering. It’s the Doctor’s cold, quiet terror of the Daleks that makes them so frightening. His violent, suicidal rant at Bowman is genuinely disturbing. When the humans start tormenting the Dalek mutant the Doctor questions whether the Daleks have already won, losing their humanity. When the Dalek lets rip its first agonising scream the Doctor sinks to his knees in the corridor – this is some remarkably vivid characterisation. He longs for his companions of old, somebody who understands. He understands perfectly when Koral admits she is the last of her kind and if she dies there is nothing left of her civilisation. The Dalek prisoner thinks the Doctor has come to gloat at the end of its life. He tells the creature that their reign of destruction will end in burning and that there is a storm coming. In a rare moment of levity the Doctor is thrilled at the very notion that he is seeing something new that he has never seen before when they land on Arkheon. Apparently he hates name dropping (yeah, right) and is deeply embarrassed that he has to tell the Daleks who he is! It’s a great moment, he whispers his name to a Dalek and its headlamps flash involuntarily and its gun stick twitches. The Doctor is clearly revered within the Dalek echelons since the meeting between him and the Inquisitor General is made with a shivering thrill. The Doctor likes impossible. Dalek X sums up the Doctor as having above average intelligence, continually changing his appearance to avoid detection and relying on fortuity. He hates continuity (yay!). I loved Bowman’s comment, ‘Don’t cry, you’ll set the Doctor off, you know what a wimp he is.’ Its great to see the relationship between the Doctor and Bowman, how he is forced into respecting the Time Lord by his sheer drive of positivity and determination to survive. He insults, abuses and generally distrusts the Doctor throughout but before the end of the book they exchange slight smiles. There is a great image of the unrelenting tenth Doctor visiting Dalek X trapped beneath the surface of Arkheon never to be discovered and telling him that the Daleks always lose because they never learn, because everybody in the universe is better than them. I questioned the logic of having the Doctor travelling alone for the last of the Tennant books but Prisoner of the Daleks totally justifies the idea. He is a lonely force of nature and absolutely riveting to read about.

Foreboding: The Time War is mentioned several times. It must be tempting for the Doctor to tweak events whilst he has managed impossibly skip back before the War and change things in the Time Lords favour.

Twists: That’s a fantastic cover; it had me practically salivating when I first saw it! There is a delicious Nation-esque beginning set in a macho location with the doctor falling into a logic trap like a fly caught in honey. The mention of the Dalek heartbeat and the awesome comic strip Dalek font caused a fan boy thrill to ripple through me. Stella has a piece of exploded fuel tank jutting from her thigh and bleeds profusely before being exterminated; this is one book that does not respect its nice characters. What about the image of the icy Dalek, dripping with icicles. Dalek armour learns and adapts. Bounty hunters receive a bonus for every Dalek eyestalk they bring back. The Dalek Generation are orphans who have lost their parents in the Dalek War with the Earth Empire. There are enough self-destruct explosives inside a Dalek to keep a bomb disposal squad busy for a month. Spooks are Earth military intelligence agents. We are greeted by Auros on fire, the planet burning and breaking apart. The Osterhagen Principle is to detonate warheads to stop the enemy getting hold of the planet. In an inevitable moment of mass slaughter the Daleks surround the Auron fleet and destroy the lead ship as an example of why they should surrender. Page 78 features a truly spine chilling revelation about the Daleks, that they can blast a human to death in a split second but they deliberately turn down their weapons when exterminating their victims to make sure it hurts and lasts. The Dalek mutant is described as ‘something pale and wet moved like a slug amongst the exposed machinery.’ They gouge the mutant free of its housing like an oyster from a shell and its accompanied by a foul stench of pure wrongness. The dying Dalek is a ‘distended brain sac lying like a rotten melon, squid like arms coiled around the carcass.’ The Arkheon Threshold is a tear in time and space at the heart of a planet torn asunder by the Daleks. A pale, wraith like world, shrouded in mists and shimmering ice with one half of the planet a glowing molten core exposed to space like a luminous scab. The Dalek planet splitters are like hitting an apple with an axe. Imagine reaching the mist shrouded molten rock at the edge of a planet? The exposed molten core of Arkheon broils and spits cauldrons of fire into space. Daleks love prisoners; humiliation, torment and slavery are their thing. The Dalek experimentation facility is called the Black Hole because once you go in you never come out. How scary is the thought of Daleks with surgical instruments instead of suckers? The Wayfarer is blown up in front of Bowman and its remains scars the snow for hundreds of metres. The truth is that the Daleks are losing and they want to use the Arkheon Threshold to change time and turn things in their favour. Anger is something that every Dalek knows. One truly magnificent scene sees a Dalek crushed by an invisible magnetic fist and the creature inside is forced through the splits in the metal armour! The story ends on a fantastic planet-bursting explosion, which ruptures and disembowels the most devastating Dalek warship.

Funny Bits: Tenten 10 is the decimal planet!
‘Between them an your lot, it’s a wonder there are any planets left in the galaxy!’
Apparently the TARDIS is designed to blend in and come and go like a whisper in the night…what went wrong?

Result: A fantastic read. Unexpectedly adult and graphic with some devastating psychological moments, this is a cut way above your average NSA. What I really loved about this story was the mention of the mock sixties things like ‘Space Major’ and some of the more Saward-esque macho dialogue, it’s a real love letter to the Dalekmania that spread through the classic series whilst never forgetting the fantastic innovations of the new series. The Doctor is really put through the wringer and makes some fascinating observations about the Daleks and we learn so many new and wonderful things about the creatures beyond their ability to exterminate. Add to all of this Trevor Baxendale’s most accomplished prose to date, some stunning imagery and a cracking final scene and you have a book which scores very highly on every count. I wouldn’t want every book to be this intense but it makes for a gripping change of pace: 10/10

Spiral Scratch written by Gary Russell

Plot: Lampreys, Doctor’s and Mel’s…oh my! The sixth Doctor has to make the ultimate sacrifice to save the whole of space and time, over and over and over and over and over and over…

Theatrical Traveller: Gary Russell has always been able to capture the sixth Doctor really well. I think he has a definitive image of this much criticised incarnation, one that is far fluffier and cuddlier than the guy we saw on the television. He pushed him in that direction with Big Finish but Colin Baker was still on hand there to give the Doctor some bite and he has really let this far more pleasant Doctor flourish in his novels and yet he still can’t resist leaking in some of his more theatrical and annoying extremes. They are part and parcel of the character no matter how much you try and dress him up as something more approachable. This is perhaps the ultimate sixth Doctor novel (don’t mistake that with the best), a multi Doctor story that finally has the guts to be about various assortments of the same Doctor and we are introduced to some intriguing alternatives. I could bang about the problems with this novel as long as you want to hear them I still couldn’t deny that Spiral Scratch leads up to a moment of self sacrifice with emotional consequences rarely seen in the books and with a final chapter that beautifully explores how much we have come to love the sixth Doctor. It may contradict Head Games (who cares?) but this is a very worthy final end for my favourite Doctor.

The Doctor always won arguments. What on Earth was he wearing? The Doctor has a nice smile even if his fashion sense borders on the disastrous. When he beams it is easy to feel warm and comfortable around him. One of the alternate Doctors is black cloaked with a scar on his face and comes from a universe where England is still an Empire with Empress Magararita is on the throne. The Doctor has a Tigger look and curly hair like Diana Ross! He can be a big baby sometimes. He threatens to punch Rummas on the nose for all of his interference. Sophisticated, elegant and remarkable or a blowfish with an over inflated sense of self importance. The Doctor would happily sacrifice himself, use himself as bait. I love the myriad of sixth Doctor’s from alternative realities – a little touch of magic when we see the Doctor and Evelyn and the Doctor and Frobisher. I know some people get upset when writes suggest these different ranges exist in different universes but as an excuse to bring together all these wonderful sixth Doctor’s we have been privy to I can think of worse storytelling techniques. All of them are sacrificing themselves to save reality – what a guy. Each an every sixth Doctor is giving his life to ensure that his personal timeline will live on. Looking at the stars he has saved the Doctor thinks his sacrifice was worth it. He feels he has had a good innings and cannot complain this time.

Screaming Violet: Its really odd that Gary Russell, champion of Melanie Bush in the Doctor Who novels should get her so totally wrong in her last book. The Mel we saw on TV was a bubbly, perky, melodramatic fitness freak with a lust for adventure and totally in love with both of her Doctor’s. The Mel of Spiral Scratch is a depressed, downbeat, miserable, bitchy, swearing, moaning sort of girl who argues with everything the Doctor says. It’s the worst thing about the book by far and a real shame because had this been corrected Spiral Scratch would have scored even higher. Russell tries to fill in a lot of the gaps in Mel’s life but a lot of it doesn’t ring very true (the Shag Palace!!!).

Described as a wrapped up boiled sweet, Mel is wearing her pink and white puffed up costume from Time and the Rani which should give you a clue as to where this is leading. With Mel its all black and white unlike the Doctor who can really spin a yarn. Lately Mel has had a pang for Sussex and her parents, a comfortable living room at Christmas, dates, walnuts and figgy pudding. She’s also have odd memories of a troublesome sister… Oddly whilst Helen Lamprey is being friend Mel’s only thought are to punch her lights out and thinks lovely thoughts like ‘die bitch die!’ When they first moved South Mel’s mum always threw impressive dinner parties to try and fit in. I rather like Melina the slave, its an intriguing take on the Doctor/Mel dynamic. There’s a lovely scene where we think we are with our Mel and the Doctor but it transpires it is Melanie Baal the Silurian! Mel sneakily tries to find out about her own future. Does Mel have a sister called Anabel that she knows nothing about? For Mel Pease Pottage is the home that says love and the TARDIS is the home that says friendship. Mel broke her eighteen month sister like a biscuit? She isn’t sure what happened to Peri and she isn’t sure the Doctor knows either. I really liked it when Mel, Melanie Baal and Melina all join forces to save the Doctor – the madness starts to cohere. The Doctor is a father figure to Mel, they needed each other.

Foreboding: Lakertya is on the edge of this system. Turns out the Doctor was dying all along when the Rani’s tractor beam buffers the TARDIS!

Twists: Chapter one is surreal but it certainly peaked my interest. The story of Dominique and Julien is lovely, a fairytale of two green children who turned up in a village to cure its ills. I could have read a whole book in this vein. Several versions of the Doctor turn up in the console room to warn him of the Lamprey. Chapter four is actually a very beautiful piece of writing, probably the best thing Russell had written to date as Mel’s parents say goodbye to her dead sister before moving away. Rummas obtained a TARDIS and nips into burning buildings and saves books that would otherwise be lost. Lots of dead Rummas’ and dead Doctor’s? There are temporal shenanigans centring on the library on Carsus, a pan dimensional rip, a scratch right through the groove of the vortex spiral causing jumps and gashes. When a Lamprey snatches away somebody time makes adjustments and installs a new person to take their place and fiddles with the details to make sure everybody thinks that has always been the case. Maddeningly (but also quite fun) you can’t tell if you are reading about the same character from scene to scene or one from a different universe! In one universe we visit Utopiana City wrecked by the Lamprey, chewing up concrete towers and spitting out the rubble to crush the inhabitants. Chapter seven is a moonlit flit through various realities whilst the lamprey devours the best of each reality. Cleverly the story crosses through interstitial time and tells the same narrative with different versions of the Doctor and Mel. The lamprey devour time, extinguishing entire multiverse of realities just to fed. It needs a focus, someone to home in on and break through into that reality and they seek out time sensitives and use them as an anchor when they arrive. Rummas has stolen a Spiral Chamber from Gallifrey. I like how Russell plays the same scenes over from the POV of the opposing characters – pages 137-139 are the same as 41-43. If the Spiral were to become damaged and allow leakage within realties all creation could descend into chaos and only the Lampreys would survive. Monica is the green girl from the opening chapters, the female Lamprey. Sir Bertrand is also a Lamprey who blocked his memories so he could forget who he is. Chapter sixteen features Helen’s party again but this time its told on a space station rather than a country manor house – these parallels are boggling! Rummas caused the moment where chaos was unleashed upon creation. Every action he has taken to go back and prevent what he has caused has been anticipated and negated by the Lampreys. This filth is going to destroy everything, past, present and future just to its bloated existence. The chronon energy the Doctors have built up tears free and kills all of the sixth Doctor’s and the Lampreys.

Embarrassing Bits: A cover more garish than the sixth Doctor’s coat, Simon walked into the bathroom whilst I was reading this in a steamy bath and asked why I was reading a murray mint! Why doesn’t Russell learn from the mistakes of his previous books, like Instruments of Darkness come chapter three there are too many characters and choppy scenes with no momentum. Sometimes the prose is just…yuck (page 100 –‘clearly facing the same treacle effect’). The Last Resort did rather a better job of playing the trick of shifting to a different universe from scene to scene and built up t a spectacularly surreal and exciting climax but then I simply think Paul Leonard’s prose is superior which automatically makes things easier. The Earth Empire, the evil Nazi’s and their space conquering Fuhrer were finally destroyed – given the imagination he displays here surely this is the least imaginative alternative universe imaginable? 117,863 Mel’s – the mind boggles! Oh come on…Mel used to live in ‘the shag palace’ when she was at university and whilst she pretended to be prim and proper she secretly loved it! Mel saying ‘Screw you. Bitch!’ is just plain wrong and following that up with a right hook is even worse! ‘Why are you so pissy all the time?’ is a another horrible Mel line.

Funny Bits:
· We get to read an extract of Benny’s view of the Time Lords – ‘Time Lords are like that. Gits. Pompous gits of the highest order. No one likes them very much. Because they’re gits. Big, fat smelly ones.’ The Doctor mentions it is ‘written I believe by some grumpy Professor or other.’ Mel likes her which is ironic consider she would hate her in Head Games!
· The Doctor wrote ‘The History of Gumblejack fishing in the eighth galaxy’, did signings, dinner speeches and made a fortune and donated it to charities the universe over! He became known as the Great Benefactor! This might be a lie.
· ‘Sometimes you can be infuriating!’ ‘Only sometimes? I’m slipping…’
· Page 153: ‘I’m waiting thirty minutes for your response and using software to speed up your words so I can understand them.’ ‘Oh.’ ‘That wasn’t worth waiting for!’
· ‘It’s alright I always get a twinge when I discover myself dead. I think its times way of telling me to watch myself.’

Result: Ignore the odd horrendous Russell turn of phrase, this book is a kaleidoscope of wacky imagination and clever ideas. There are problems for sure but considering this range has already flogged the alternative universe angle to death Russell manages to find lots more interesting things to do with the premise including a multi Doctor story with the same Doctor, some delicious end of the universe action which feels genuinely apocalyptic and a truly climatic finale with a deeply moving finale chapter. The story is not especially well structured, each chapter feels like a short story in an anthology with some being rather good and others not so but astonishingly there is the odd dribble but on the whole a distinct lack of fan wank. ‘It’s very complicated’ says Mel – too complicated, you could happily snip a handful of characters, dodge a few pointless revelations and make this story a smoother ride. Spiral Scratch is ambitious and brave and even if the author doesn’t quite have the skill to pull off the insanity of the ideas coherently there is still a great deal of fun to be had here: 7/10

The Sleep of Reason by Martin Day

Plot: Caroline is a perfectly healthy young girl, except she takes a razor to her wrists with alarming regularity. She dreams of a sinister house and to her surprise finds herself admitted to it, the Retreat, a home for the mentally ill. There she finds herself under the scrutiny of the mysterious Dr Smith and his two assistants…

Top Doc: I always applaud experiments and here Martin Day surpasses himself, writing the book entirely from the POV of the guest characters. It affords a unique view from the outsiders POV of the Doctor and his friends and their crazy adventures.

He is described as two parts Lord Byron and one part Lawrence Llewellyn Bowen. He is brilliant one moment and almost an idiot savant the next. He seems trouble when asked if he has ever been married (Mary, Debbie) but merely states that he is an observer of such things and watches from afar. He has no ear for gossip. The Doctor cannot bear to be in the same place for more than five minutes. With the Doctor days can feel like weeks and months can pass by in the blink of an eye. The Doctor hates labels (Jungian, Freudian) because they limit potential, ring fence freedom and stamp out individuality. One morning he can believe one thing, the evening something completely different. He believes in truth – justice and prejudice, freedom and slavery, good and evil. He is intimately familiar with people but powerless without permission to proceed. You could never imagine him doing anything as mundane as sleeping, eating or scratching his balls. He tries not to dream because he has nightmares. His touch is not sexual or abusive but more sensual and powerful. He is attracted to weird things which he tries to put right, has power but he chooses to turn away from evil. The Doctor, the man who is most human of all is not human at all. The Doctor is very protective towards the time continuum. He attracts the Sholem-Luz because of all the pain and anguish he has carried over the years. He might be odd and distant at times, but he is full of marvellous insight and irrepressible energy.

Best of all of this marvellous insight into his character is his admission that his time in the Retreat will probably amount to very little but sometimes all you can do is make a difference to a few lives. For too long now he has been focussing on the ‘bigger picture’ and the details are just as important. People are as fundamental to him as anything. After his universe ending escapades in the alt universe arc, this is some real development for his character…as he was gagging to just spend some time with people in Sometime Never… but he had other, more important priorities. This follows nicely into the next book where he goes all domestic and sets up home and helps out just one family…

Scruffy Git: Described as the dopey bloke and uncombed hair and 5’oclock shadow. Fitz is scared if he goes into therapy (after all the screwing around with his brain!) he might never come out! He is learning from the Doctor, being influenced by him. Unquestioningly loyal and uncomplicatedly honest (that just about sums him up!). When facing death, Fitz is still thinking about sex (I love this guy). You could forgive him anything. Seeing Fitz from other peoples POV makes him seem something of a drop out and totally obedient to the Doctor’s commands.

Identity Tricks: Whilst I don’t agree with wasting Trix’s scarce page space by putting her in the books background it is fascinating how sinister and bullying she seems when seen from other people’s perspective. Described as the bitchy blonde. Terrible things hide behind her eyes. She is as fresh as a daisy and much sexier. Her interests differ from the Doctor and Fitz but they look out for each other. She has many diverse faults but as an agent of intrigue and stealth, Trix cannot be faulted. She is from the bull in the china shop school of tact.

Twists: The first scene featuring the Doctor (?) locked up in a mental asylum are intriguing to say the least. Caroline’s introduction is featured in the first chapter which is shockingly brutal and real, slicing her wrists open, the slice of metal throbbing with possibility, able to berth her into a more adult world. The scenes from Laska’s POV with the Doctor are excellent as she tries to work out the rules of their mental battles. Laska’s dream in the bath of the hound trying to naw through the bathroom door and waking up with vicious red bite marks, is hypnotically scary. Terrifying mental struggles ensue with Miss Thorne as she recounts having her child taken from her, externalising her frustration and anger by having a row with her lost child. Equally disturbing is Fern kicking Mary Jones until she cannot speak, pinning her down between her breasts with his boot and bashing her skull open with a rock whilst spouting religious dogma. Tracy Wade has her car flipped over and is savaged by the death hound. Dr Christie, doused with oil, glistening like a newborn phantasm of evil, plans to set fire to himself, the bodies and all of Masoulus House. The Sholem-Luz are attracted to the insane, creating tunnels through the fabric of time and space, obeying their biological imperative. They infected a lower species (in this case a dog) who bites one of the asylum workers….who sets about burning the bodies of dead, producing more seeds to scatter on the time winds and infect other places and times. We discover Lis was the one who helped Laska’s father die in a mercy killing. She catches her husband straddling one of the nurses and kicks him in the nuts! Ms Thorne turns out to be Laska’s great, great grandmother and we witness her passing away in Dr Christie’s arms over her father’s grave in a very moving scene. In the busy climax Fits and Trix are trapped in the basement with the patients whilst James (the Sholem-Luz infected host) threatens to feed them to the flames. The Doctor uses his dark memories to attract the Sholem Luz after him into the past and they die in the fire of their own making in Masoulus House. Brilliantly we discover the Doctor was responsible for saving the lives of Christie, Macksay and Torby, the very journal we have been reading throughout is infected with his presence. To avoid waiting another century to see his friends (again!) he sleeps in a sarcophagus in the basement and makes a superb entrance (“How is anyone supposed to sleep through all this racket?”) in the climax! I loved Laska’s last line, when you realise she joined the Retreat a year ago as Laska but is going home Caroline, the Doctor having touched her life in a most profound way.

Funny bits: Finally somebody points out how hideous Fitz and Trix’s names are!

Result: The second of two back-to-back classics and firm proof that the EDAs aren’t going to go out quietly. The Sleep of Reason is my idea of an adult book, one that deals with serious and disturbing issues with sensitivity and emotion and looks at its characters deeply, allowing the reader to get under their skin and understand what makes them tick. It is a dark and mature piece that grips you with the quality of the characterisation and the density of the prose. The characters feel like real people, nothing is sensationalised and the feelings brewed up are painfully real. Refusing to allow us access to the regulars thoughts is another superb plus point, allowing some unexpected and delightful characterisation (especially the Doctor who has rarely been as glowing). A dark, mature and frightening book and a winner in every sense of the term: 10/10